As I sit, staring at a blank screen about to share a recipe for a Mexican dish using cactus, I just can’t.
Other thoughts have been fluttering in and out of my mind.
Recently I have been having a difficult time blogging as I try to figure out my place in this huge virtual world.
I would enjoy to be able to make a living at writing and developing recipes online, yet it often feels like a gaping hole of sunlight from above that is just past my reach.
Honestly, it’s been a difficult season for my family. Summer has been spent at home on an extremely tight budget.
Cooking from scratch has been essential, seven days a week.
Staring out the same window for over a year has been a battle as the traveler in me is fighting to escape to any other distant place to be filled with something new.
As the economy continues to lower and gas prices continue to rise, even visiting surrounding cities are out of the question.
Thoughts of returning to work in the field have crossed my mind or picking up some sort of gardening part time job that I know I’d enjoy.
But the children. The reason I left my career, still need me at home.
As I’ve been struggling with understanding God’s will for my life I found out that this past weekend a fellow blogger lost her husband unexpectedly.
Jennifer Perillo from In Jennie’s Kitchen watched her husband collapse and pass away from a heart attack at a very young age. She’s left with 2 young girls.
When I found out through the twitter stream on Monday, I cried.
I cried for her and for strength that God can provide.
At the same time I was convicted. Shame on me!
My God is continually providing for all of my needs. Every single one of them.
As I was crying I opened up my bible and literally fell to this verse.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will direct your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6
In starting to question God’s will for my life, I’ve realized that I haven’t truly been asking Him what His will is for me but in where my future lies.
I’ve been wanting to know what lies ahead for me.
Should I be blogging or should I be looking for a full time job outside of the home?
When I found out about Jennie losing her husband, suddenly nothing mattered.
I grabbed my children and gave them huge hugs and kisses all over the place. I embraced my husband as he walked through the doors and praised my God for my family that I have.
Life is so short and here we put importance on things of this world that really have no substantial matter at the end.
I started to think about days when I used to volunteer at a nursing home because I enjoyed spending time with the elderly.
I started to think about days when I spent time at youth shelters because I enjoyed their vibrant love for life.
The Lord really filled my heart on Monday. I just don’t care anymore what lies ahead as long as I’m living in His will today.
As I have been feeling down about not getting away for the summer I failed to realize how much fun we have actually had with the kids.
We’ve played ball.
We’ve gone camping.
We’ve gone swimming… lots!
We’ve skipped stones.
We rode in a small town Fourth of July parade.
We’ve collected lightning bugs.
Oh, and how we’ve eaten to our hearts content.
Every single need God has filled.
After speaking with my husband and giving him extra hugs he encouraged me to just keep doing what I’ve been doing.
Enjoying cooking and sharing it with all of you.
Being the best mami and wife to my family.
And, as far as blogging goes, set out specific goals and reach for them.
Jennie, my heart goes out to you and your daughters during this time of heartache.
May God bless you.