As I sit, staring at a blank screen about to share a recipe for a Mexican dish using cactus, I just can’t.
Other thoughts have been fluttering in and out of my mind.
Recently I have been having a difficult time blogging as I try to figure out my place in this huge virtual world.
I would enjoy to be able to make a living at writing and developing recipes online, yet it often feels like a gaping hole of sunlight from above that is just past my reach.
Honestly, it’s been a difficult season for my family. Summer has been spent at home on an extremely tight budget.
Cooking from scratch has been essential, seven days a week.
Staring out the same window for over a year has been a battle as the traveler in me is fighting to escape to any other distant place to be filled with something new.
As the economy continues to lower and gas prices continue to rise, even visiting surrounding cities are out of the question.
Thoughts of returning to work in the field have crossed my mind or picking up some sort of gardening part time job that I know I’d enjoy.
But the children. The reason I left my career, still need me at home.
As I’ve been struggling with understanding God’s will for my life I found out that this past weekend a fellow blogger lost her husband unexpectedly.
Jennifer Perillo from In Jennie’s Kitchen watched her husband collapse and pass away from a heart attack at a very young age. She’s left with 2 young girls.
When I found out through the twitter stream on Monday, I cried.
I cried for her and for strength that God can provide.
At the same time I was convicted. Shame on me!
My God is continually providing for all of my needs. Every single one of them.
As I was crying I opened up my bible and literally fell to this verse.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will direct your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6
In starting to question God’s will for my life, I’ve realized that I haven’t truly been asking Him what His will is for me but in where my future lies.
I’ve been wanting to know what lies ahead for me.
Should I be blogging or should I be looking for a full time job outside of the home?
When I found out about Jennie losing her husband, suddenly nothing mattered.
I grabbed my children and gave them huge hugs and kisses all over the place. I embraced my husband as he walked through the doors and praised my God for my family that I have.
Life is so short and here we put importance on things of this world that really have no substantial matter at the end.
I started to think about days when I used to volunteer at a nursing home because I enjoyed spending time with the elderly.
I started to think about days when I spent time at youth shelters because I enjoyed their vibrant love for life.
The Lord really filled my heart on Monday. I just don’t care anymore what lies ahead as long as I’m living in His will today.
As I have been feeling down about not getting away for the summer I failed to realize how much fun we have actually had with the kids.
We’ve played ball.
We’ve gone camping.
We’ve gone swimming… lots!
We’ve skipped stones.
We rode in a small town Fourth of July parade.
We’ve collected lightning bugs.
Oh, and how we’ve eaten to our hearts content.
Every single need God has filled.
After speaking with my husband and giving him extra hugs he encouraged me to just keep doing what I’ve been doing.
Enjoying cooking and sharing it with all of you.
Being the best mami and wife to my family.
And, as far as blogging goes, set out specific goals and reach for them.
Jennie, my heart goes out to you and your daughters during this time of heartache.
May God bless you.
Diana
This is wonderful Diana. Being in the moment is so important because you just never know what the future may hold…looks like you’ve had many lovely moments this summer with your beautiful family 🙂
So sorry to hear about Jennie’s terrible loss. My prayers are with her family.
Diana, I’ve been feeling the same way this summer. Your post serves as a good reminder that I need to be grateful for all that I have. Thanks.
Diana:
I feel like I could have written this post – thank you for putting words to what I’ve been feeling. You inspire me.
Thanks Niki, you have a beautiful blog!!
When I was a young mom, learning the secret of contentment was a daily job. Content with driving old cars, content with homeschooling, content with no farm animals, content with no new furniture….. Paul knew it to be true, “godliness with contentment is great gain.” Once it’s learned it is a sweet place to be. But hard getting there. Bloom where you’re planted!
Diane, thanks for your wisdom!
I can’t tell you how reassured I am to know that contentment in this role has to be learned, and not just by me.
Diana, I know how you feel. I was like that too, thinking always of the future then I found out a couple of months ago that I had stage 4 lung cancer. It is the present that matters and how you live it God’s way and appreciate all the good things he has blessed us with, his loving kindness and tender mercies. As Diane had said, bloom where you are planted and trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.
Oh sweetie, I had no idea and am crying right now. Goodness, God has a way of working and not one I understand very often at all. Take care of yourself and if there is anything I can do please let me know. Thank you for your words of encouragement!!
Fantastic post–I have been following your website for a while now, but never commented. What an inspiring post-just what I needed to hear today. My family & I have been going through what sounds to be a similar situation-wanting for change, but not truly asking what God’s will for us is. Another instance of how truly GREAT our God is by putting a media out in front of us for Him to communicate with us. Thanks for the inspiration!! 🙂
Thanks for stopping by Steph and leaving a comment! I’m so blessed to hear that a testimony like this could encourage you! Have a great day!!
I’ve been finding blogging difficult, as well (haven’t posted in more than 3 weeks) … it seems we’ve both been struggling with the same types of issues. I lost my Dad when I was 14 (now 39) to a sudden heart attack and it has cast a pall on my entire life. But there is much to be thankful for – you’re right. I just had my wake-up call within the last day, when I lost my health briefly (my back is out) and I realized how much I had been taking for granted. I don’t have a husband or kids … and that makes things difficult. I’ve always wanted a family of my own, but have betrayal and abuse from the opposite sex has never brought that to fruition. Definitely always remember that many would give their right arm to have a husband/wife and kids that love them. Thanks for this post. 🙂
-have … ghaaaa! I hate when I don’t re-read to edit and have a random extra word in there.
Hello Linda… Almost every time I send a comment just as I click on “Post” I notice a mistake, no matter how many times I read over what I’ve written!!! An occupational hazard I guess!(?)
Oh, and I’m unemployed and haven’t been able to find a job in this economy. So if I can find my blessings, then anyone can.
Linda, thanks for your comments and words of encouragement.
Thank you for sharing your beautiful, transparent, story. We all need to be encouraged whatever road life is taking us down that it is not about us. Beautiful, just beautiful.
Brave of you to share such an honest, heartfelt post. I struggle daily with all you write about.
I try very hard to focus on providing service in some way each day and being open to receive whatever God sends my way, knowing that what God thinks I need and what I think I need are two different things 😀
For what it’s worth, your work brightens my day, and apparently the days of many others too.
Thanks Jackie! Huge hugs!!
Beautiful Diana. Thanks for sharing.
Ahh man, can I relate! I am so thankful for all that God has given me, but there are many days where I am overwhelmed by it all. Thanks for reminding me I am not alone.
My heart goes out to Jennie and her daughters. Only God knows what we simple humans could not understand.
Dear Diana, You know how much I wish to go and visit you. For some reason I feel a special connection with you. There is a great admiration for your efforts to give the best a mother could give to her children in a wholesome way.
We all feel lost sometimes and there are days when we wake up with a big question mark in our mind, heart, and soul. Do not worry. There is a plan and purpose for everything. On His time, He will show you the way.
Love,
Mely
Thanks for your sweet comment Mely! Lord willing we can meet sometime, I would love that! Thanks for your encouragement and wise words. Huge hugs my friend!!
Thanks for sharing! I think the majority of ‘stay at home moms’ go through this emotion… I know I did! Look carefully into your children’s eyes, they are a gift from God. Your husband is blessing you with an amazing gift. (Mine did too!) The gift of placing value on you as a mom & wife. There is no other job on earth that will touch the future! Be blessed by the time you have been given to mold & guide your boys into the Godly men they were created to be! Thank God for hand-me-downs, gardens and creative ways to have fun for free!! These days are what wonderful memories are made of! Careers and out of house opportunities will always be there… our children & the years of ‘family’ life won’t be. Cherish them!!!
Melanie, thanks for letting me see that. “The gift of placing value on you as a mom & wife.” I fail to see that so often and appreciate your wisdom!
Diana, thank you for your transparent post. I had tears in my eyes because I think whether one is a housewife, working woman, or working-from home mom (telecommmuter as I am ), these feelings are valid in every way. A sense of purpose. May the joy of the Lord be your strength. Can you believe that I have been singing children’s songs these past few weeks? I think it is God preparing me for my little one. I know that I will have different feelings of worth and purpose when I have my little one. May you continue to be a blessing to your family. You are the apple of His eye!
Thank you, Diana!
Diana, you are doing just what God intends for you. Otherwise, you would not be touching the hearts of those who need encouragement. Just like today. I needed to hear what you said.
Thank you Diana, and thank you Jesus-for Diana.
Carolyn in Nebraska
Diana, thank you so much for this post – I really needed to hear these words, and I can just bet that there are plenty of other people out there who felt the same way. We ALL needed to hear this! Life is so, so precious… no matter what we are going through, or afraid of, it is incredibly precious, and right where we are is as precious as anywhere we’ll ever be. In this moment, we all have so much to be grateful for. Thank you for having me remember this. : )
I send all of my love to Jennie in this sad, sad time. My heart breaks for her.
Diana, like others have said – thank you for your honesty! It’s amazing the power that honest words have.
Diana,
This post is Heaven-sent, as I posted today on refocusing priorities and “bringing it back home.” God has such a sweet way of tapping on our shoulders to say, “You’re on the right track, just keep walking.”
Oh, and guess what my 4yr old’s Bible verse is for this week? We’ve recited it EVERY day: Trust in the Lord with all your heart….
Now that I’m all teary, I should probably end this. God bless you, God bless Jennie, and God bless every mama out there trying to do right by her kids and family.
Diana, bliss you for being so open. I do happen to know Jennie -we just met and really connected at BSP- and I’ve been weeping all week for her and the girls.
It really puts everything into perspective, doesn’t it? I’ll be thinking of you as you continue to search for His will. You’re an inspiration!
Oh Diana!
Girl, you know what I’m going to tell you. God is bringing you back to that place once again where He shows you the importance of what you are doing. Right here! Right now! This period of time will pass quickly. Enjoy it. It doesn’t matter what Material things you have or don’t have. You are blessed beyond compare with a hubby who loves you, two adorable little boys, an amazing extended family who Love the Lord and have taught you well.
Not to mention all the other blessings Gid has given you with good health, wisdom, wonderful home, awesome fellowship. I could go on forever it seems. I love you and am blessed by you opening your heart to share with others the joys and struggles you face. Stay true to who you are. You are doing what you are meant to do for this moment in time.
Thank you Diana. I also need to remember this during these times of extra stress during summer (holiday rentals) and trust in Gods strenght! You are a blessing!
Diana, this post made me tear up! Everything you stated seems true for me too. Sometimes I just don’t know where to go next. I recently made the decision to quit my job and go back to my old one (as you may have heard), and I was so nervous about it, then a friend sent me this verse from 1 Peter 5:7 –Cast all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you. I fell in love with that. Trust in Him and you will always be doing the right thing. You are an amazing mother and blogger and it’s evident to anyone who knows you or reads your work. Have a great weekend! AND….we have not traveled or done anything extravagent either. It’s the little things…like going to the Farmer’s Market and playing in the yard with the dog 🙂
And here^ are the fruits of your labor…
“Blessing and honor and glory and power be to Him who sits on the throne, and to the Lamb, forever and ever!” It is a blessing to see how you are impacting women all around the world just by sharing your struggles & triumphs in Christ. We can identify with you, learn from/with you, & encourage one another. This is the Body of Christ. I’m praying for you & that perhaps someone will come to know our Savior because of your precious testimony, because THAT is what it’s all about. 🙂 You’re doing a fantastic job! “For of Him and through Him and to Him are all things, to whom be glory forever. Amen.”
This is an encouraging posts Diana. We really don’t know what our future is, only God knows. To Him we depend all things for we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.
I just came across your site via tripbase.com as I’m in Spain and love all things Spanish. This post was a surprise find for me. I have been thinking a lot about my future as well and have been “seeking direction” (aka. being worried and fearful). Thanks for the reminder to be present in the moment and to take it one day at a time! I’m a new blogger, so this was encouraging in that respect also. Thanks again.
PS…My comment is sincere—not trying to promote my site–but I did just post about my experience at a bakery in Spain that you might be interested in! I’d love your feedback!
I just found your site and am overjoyed! I’m from NE Iowa and was so encouraged to find such a hip site — and from an “Iowa sister”, no less! I will enjoy trying your recipes.
You write honestly about your struggles; I appreciate that. We’re all at different places on life’s journey but most struggle with our places in the world. I’d like to recommend a book: “An Alter In the World: A Geography of Faith” by Barbara Brown Taylor. The author talks about finding the holy/sacred in the simplest of acts — hanging laundry on the line, for instance. I think you will find it comforting.
I lead a pretty conventional life, and am not an urban homesteader, yet am making strides toward simplicity, self-sufficiency, and harmony with the environment. But I think I can find lots of things to try from your site. Keep writing. I’ll keep reading.
Simply fantastic post… You are so generous to share your thoughts regarding God’s Will… Than you.
A friend just sent me the link to your blog. My husband is deployed and it has brought up so many of these same issues in my heart. I had to leave a comment because I posted on my blog on the very same topic this past week. May God bless you are you are faithful in the little things.
I feel sorry for that poor soul that lost a husband. She need a lot of strength and support now. We often forget what is our goal in life but a smile from our children is a quick reminder.